haha. anyway, so bored at home. buti nga, tomorrow we're gonna swim! good thing! bonding with todoink. bad thing? no sara and no clara. sara, may meeting. clara, may training.
anyway, have you ever felt that someone underestimates something you did for that person? to think, that person asked you a favor to do something and after learning it. ok. i'm gonna give you a perfect example. guy a is asking a favor kay guy b kasi si guy a nalaman na ung girl na nagugustuhan niya, marunong magplay ng guitar. of course, in order to be close to that girl, he wants to know how to play the guitar para "magpasikat" din sa girl. so guy a asked guy b to teach him how to play the guitar. so guy b did the favor for guy a. he taught how to strum and read tabs and all. once, girl gave a list of songs to guy a. and then what guy a did, he download all the tabs of the songs and gave it to guy b and let guy b interpret and teach guy a the tabs of the songs given by the girl. the point is, guy a doesn't know how to say 'thank you' by means of using what guy b taught to him. and now guy b is very irritated by what guy a is doing to him. during the birthday of girl, there happened to be a jammin between the guys including guy a and guy b. while guy b was watching them, guy a told the rest of the guys, "hey guys, bilib siya sa atin o!" i mean, what guy a acted there was that he was trying to point out how guy b was amazed while they were playing. well infact guy b wasn't really amazed at all. well, guy a should be thankful for what guy b did for him. although, guy b shouldn't expect anything in return. but i mean, well guy a should at least respect guy b right? but it seems like guy a is not even respecting even a single thing that guy b did to him. guy b has his own version of crazy for you. and when guy b played it, guy a was really amazed that he wanted to ask the tabs of that version from guy b. guy b said that even if he'll give the tabs of the song, he will also be the one who'll read and interpret it for him, so no use. another thing is that guy b made that version for himself and then someone's going to benefit from that? diba nakakalungkot? haaii.. i told guy b wag na niyang patulan. and he's listening naman. haaii.. well, guys are very different now. sooo different but i guess ganun talaga, ayt? haha. i hope you don't underestimate as in anybody... as in kahit sino. please. sana lang. respect.

[feeling | stressed ]

ok. i never realized it until now. i should be throwing away and burning my old letters today but instead i just read all the letters i received during my sixth and seventh grade. while reading the letters, i realized that lahat ng humihingi ng tulong sakin before, puro lovelife. i all helped them with their own lovelife. hai, si hitch ba toh? ewan. don't know. i realized even now, ganoon pa din ako. woah. all this time even before i had a relationship, lahat na kayo tinutulungan ko. kay ganito, kay ganyan. really. kaya pala, ganoon nyo na lang ako tulungan. thanks.ü haha. sa totoo lang, hindi ko maimagine ganon na lang kadami yung letters na natanggap ko.ü really. pero ang nakakalungkot nga lang, i can't bring them sa states. sadly. rrrr. im thinking nga if im gonna throw them away na eh! pero nakakahinayang! rrr. hai. boring.

[feeling | satisfied ]

i hate it. why does it has to be like this? i mean, yes, friendships, talagang may trials. challenges. but i thought were going to face it all together? i guess, we should all talk na. as in asap. you know what i mean guys. please. kala ko ba magtatagal tayo? i hope with what's happening sana hindi. please. diba ang group natin hindi lang isang school year? diba? please. sabi ko nga we all need to meet na eh. and besides, miss ko na din kayo. i'm sorry talaga may time na sobrang gusto niyo na akong patayin. rar. ewan. hmm. hindi lahat tayo ganoon na naguusap kaya bigla-bigla nalang pag nag-uusap eh parang kulang nalang sumabog. =( i'm very sad.
actually, i have my own problems din most especially with my mom. drrr, pero i'm trying to fix it naman. lagi lang nauuna ang fear--takot. i just hate it. i want to tell her everything na but sometimes there are some things that holds me back. alam ko, i'm not that good in making letters lalo na kung sa mom ko pa. darn. eeh, well, honestly ang family naman namin not that bonded. not that close. really. maybe with my lola, uncle and auntie na asa states sobrang bonded with my dad kahit sobrang layo. bakit kaya kami hindi ganoon na bonded and close? well, my dad's open naman. actually, i've opened up to him before. well, if it weren't for that parents-daughter recollection i wouldn't be opening up to him. i should be also with my mom, but she wasn't there. i'm expecting pa nga her, pero duh, she was in cebu. work, work, work. hai. god. i need help.
well, i was so touched nga when koo texted me and said that i seem to be sad. she asked me what's the problem daw. eeh, funny cause i didn't have any problem in my mind at that time when we were talking over the phone. weird. pero wala lang.
hmm, i realized din na... someone's going home na! yipee! ngek. eeeeh! miss ko na eh. sorry na po. walang connection. pero, kanina kasi i watched oprah. ganda ng episode nila ngayon. in a way, nakarelate ako. they said na your partner would help you in healing and in growing. basta it was some sort-of that way. hmm, astig nga. kasi ung guy doon, he helped oprah very well in her life and so as this couple na sobrang-nagaaway-na-kulang-na-lang-ay-magdivorce. pero i realized na maganda talagang once in awhile nagfface-to-face as in harap-harapan na open forum. it really helps. and actually, i think, it's not only for couples. for everyone---even friends. right?

[feeling | pissed ]

i'm excited for tom! guess why! haha. uhm, sara will be here at home and of course, bonding moments and then we'll go to shang to watch a movie with kim! yahoo! i'm excited. hmm, tom, what's the date again tom? joke. hulaan niyo nalang. hehe. thanx for pau and thea who greeted me earlier. haha! thea, second mo time mo na to! haha, hm, i'm sort of nagtatampo sa kanya today cos, i think he's not that aware of what's going to happen tom. i don't know. i think this is the first time na ganito siya umasal the day before monthsary namin. *tok, tok, tok* (hellur, it's only the fifth month.. -->but still..) hmm, well low batt na siya and im hoping and expecting that he would greet me around 12am but it seems like i really doubt it. i don't know. well, enough about that. medyo may problem pa nga ako in going to shang tom eh, eh kasi i haven't told my dad that sara and i would be watching a movie after lunch. rrr, palagi nalang ako natatakot. ewan. eto nanaman ako. damn. hmm, went out today to buy my sis' shoes and bag for school. well, i didn't buy my own bag yet 'cause i want to be sure. but i saw this bag from benneton and it looks nice, i like it. but i think i would be buying it saturday before classes starts. ahhh, haaai. i don't know. darn. hey. advice ko sa mga tao. "hinding-hindi mo matatanggap ang isang tao ng buong-buo hangga't hindi mo alam ang buong pagkatao niya"

[feeling | discontent ]
[watching | house of a thousand corpses ]
[reading | the notebook. (for the second time) ]

baaaaaad trip! i hate it. hindi na kami tuloy today. darn, unang lakad na hindi natuloy. i hate it! 16 pa naman today. tita nina didn't allow sara to go to our house today. becauuuuse, may sunog daw sa puregold. huwwaat? eh, puregold's far from our house naman ah. darn, eh i told sara, kahit dito nalang sa bahay. mas lalong di siya pinayagan. waw. huhu. and another thing why i'm not going to shang anymore without sara, 'cause my dad and my sister are going to watch a movie in shang and guess what? same movie din sa papanoorin sana namin. soo, never mind. i have to sacrifice. not today. hmm, on 18? uhuh, rar. just hate it. of all the days na pwedeng magkasunog, ngayon pa? wrong timing talaga! darn. hmm, well, anyway, he greeted me at exactly 12 am? hahaha, funny nga eh, 'cause he suddenly said "wait lang," and then weird.. 'cause it was so quiet, when he suddenly said, "happy monthsary, iloveyou muah!" then i told him, "wenk!" and then i greeted him too. sabi ko pa nga, "nag-wait lang ka para lang hintayin exactly 12am, ok ka lang?" and then i was laughing out loud na, wahahaha. hai, bakit ganoon? ang malas ko na nga nung friday (na di ko naman malaman kung dahil friday-the-thirteenth or nagkataon lang talaga) and then ngayon, 16? last time na minalas ako sa araw na toh was feb, i was really crying pa nga nun while doing my t.h.e. project eh. and nung march, na dapat siya ang kasama and hindi si kiko. rar. anyway, right now, i'm thinking if i would join my sister and my dad to watch that movie or stay at home and talk to him nalang. darn, bakit ba ganoon? ang hiiiiiiiraaaaap! i was really excited earlier today when sara suddenly texted me and said na hindi na nga daw siya pupunta. arrrrgggghhh! huuuuuwwaaat? never mind. magmumukmok nalang ako dito sa bahay. what a good way to start your day.

[feeling | gloomy ]
[listening to | the sound of the electric fan.. ]
[watching | my dad and sis go outside the house.. ]
[reading | some text messages.. ]

"your partner will help you heal the wounds..." i believe that our partners willl help us in everything. boyfriends are not only there for romance or anything but rather they help us in "growing" and in "healing" pero it seems like hindi ganoon sakin. bakit mas ginagatungan pa niya? i mean, when i asked help kay maikee, she even comforted me and she even suggested that i write my mom a letter pero when i was opening up everything to him, he was like, 'you can't do anything, ganoon lang talaga siya' or 'ganoon daw eh..' or simply, 'ganoon talaga' i mean, yah, i really i appreciate it very much that he's listening pero parang instead na bumuti yung pakiramdam ko na inopen-up ko sa kanya lahat, i felt bad. really. kasi kahit hindi naman niya sinasadya, talagang sumama loob ko. but being so stupid, i, accidentally (take note: UNINTENTIONALLY) sent a wrong message to him that was supposed to be for maike, damn! i was shocked nalang when i saw his message and it says, 'how should i react ba.. eh hindi ko nga alam kung ano pwede ko i-advice or something eh! =(' im so stupid!!! ang hirap lang talaga siguro intindihin ng situation ko ngayon...

[feeling | depressed ]

kaya pala all the while ganoon siya.. kasi ginagaya niya yung lola ko (yung tita ng dad ko), tsss.. whatever! kaya lang naman ganoon yung lola ko kasi old maid!! DUH. parang hellur. wala naman tayo sa lumang panahon tapos ganoon pa din siya?? nalipasan na ng panahon!! tsss.. i don't want to be LIKE my dad.. i love my dad but I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM. i don't want to be quiet all the time. i don't want to be like him, na pag nagagalit sobra2 yung tipong sobra kung sumabog. kaya ko naman maging masunurin ah, di naman kailangan niyang gayahin yung lola ko na pag nagsalita ayaw niya ng may kasabay na nagsasalita. hindi na ba ako pwedeng magsalita?? wala na ba akong karapatan?? you didn't even bother to let me explain everything. maganda bang pagdidisiplina yun?? ni wala ka ngang pinagkakatiwalaan eh! eh yung mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan mo eh ni hindi ko nga kaibigan eh!! tapos pag pinakikilala ko sayo kaibigan ko, ayaw mo din dahil AKALA MO BASTA PAG MARAMI ANG KAIBIGAN KO, BARKADA NA IYON AT PAG MAY BARKADA AKO IBIG SABIHIN BAD INFLUENCE NA SILA. sana kasi noh? kahit minsan maging S-U-P-P-O-R-T-I-V-E ka naman diba?? i just hate it. narinig ko pa lahat kanina when you were talking to dady. hate it and i just damn hate you!!!!!

[feeling | sore ]