haaay, happy birthday to me.

i'm so happy that they greeted me. i'm so happy that they surprised me. i'm so happy that they really gave importance on the most important day in my life. and i'm so happy that they were there to celebrate it with me.
BUT, all of those things were SO last year pa. SO SAD.

i know i SHOULDN'T expect. hindi na dapat ako umasa. morning palang, i keep on telling it to myself to stop expecting 'cause i know i'll really get disappointed. ano nangyari? tanan. i just cried kasi ito ang pinakamahalagang araw sa buhay ko and yet hindi nila naaappreciate ang araw na ito. this is the second time na SUPER nafeel ko na dinitch nanaman ako. pero anyway, pinapabayaan ko nalang. i even planned to celebrate my birthday with them on friday. (god! nagpapakamanhid pa ako! putcha) sinasaktan na ako, i'm still doing these things for them. i don't know why i have to still do this. i really love todoink. though sometimes, alam kong tinatake nalang nila ako for granted. if not, nineneglect nila ako. kung hindi, walang-wala talaga ako sa kanila. i know it. wala naman akong kwenta eh. i know. o kung hindi talagang dumadating sa point na naiisip ko na wala akong halaga sa kanila at hindi nila ako mahal. ngayon nyo sabihin sakin. ano ba ang pinakamahalagang araw sa buhay ng isang tao? isn't the day when he or she was born? and para sakin, ngayon ang araw na iyon. and yet, no one appreciated it. maybe classmates. pero mas inisip nyo pa ang success ng isa. i guess i'm not really worth to be appreciated. i guess i really deserve NOT to be really appreciated. how sad. lagi naman sad eh. inaappreciate nalang nila ako kung kailan huli na. kung kailan walang-wala na. i was so happy last year, but doesn't mean that this year would still be the same. sinabi ko yan sa sarili ko. damn. sarap ilabas lahat. ANG SAKIT. kung alam nyo lang. ayokong sabihin na nasasaktan ako. ang hirap magpanggap. ang hirap-hirap. wala na akong iiiyak. lagi nalang ako umiiyak. palagi nalang ako nasasaktan. ayoko na. =(

well, happy birthday to me. ='(
sobrang sakit na talaga. mahal ko kayo pero alam kong hindi naman talaga ako mahalaga sa inyo. salamat nalang sa bati...
i guess fate ko na talaga na laging umiiyak sa birthday ko... haaaay..

[feeling | =( ]