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Ren
Registered Nurse. Soon-to-be MD in the making (hopefully). Orange lover, still. Loves Math. Procrastinator/Crammer. Sluggish. Obsessive Compulsive. Emo-tional. Sensitive. "Overlapping." Weakling. Motivated. Contradicting. Loser. Nerd. Soon-to-be Geek.

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Entries for December, 2008

Ano ba talaga, kuya? :S
December 27th, 2008 | 04:02 PM

Nagets ko na rin yung sinasabi mo! FINALLY. 

Nope, I have to think some things through so that when they do happen I already know what I should do. :P 

NAGETS KO NAAAA. 
I mean you're telling this kasi navvibes mo ba na may iba akong gusto? And if ever talagang totoo na may gusto nga akong iba, you'd know what to do. AM I RIGHT? Ugh. :| 

THIS IS SUCH A LOSER GUESSING GAME. :)) 

We can't get through each other's messages. DAMN. BAKIT BA KASI HINDI PA SABIHIN? =))
PWEDE BANG WAG NA LANG SABIHIN? Then, mas magiging masaya lahat?
PAKIRAMDAMAN MO NALANG. :))
He's not committed, so am I.

WALANG MASASAGASAAN DIBA? 

Then it's done. END OF CONVERSATION. 
Diba?

orange you glad?


It's getting worse now.
December 29th, 2008 | 12:10 AM

Okay my Blogspot sucks. I just love the categories part, but still it sucks. It always interprets html characters when in fact they're not intended to be like that. GAH. :| So here I am, back in Tabulas after 3 months of forcing myself to love Blogspot. HAHAHAHAHA. 

Anyway, A LOT of things are boggling me. I mean, A LOT

Can it be over? I mean the confusion part?
I SO want to get this over with. 


WAITWAIT. For-the-moment rant:
CAN YOU PLEASE CALL MEEEEEE?
PLEASE?
D:

I so want to hear your voice. :| 
GAH. I know I'm making myself CRAZY again. As always, but PLEAAAAAAASE. :((
I'm dying to hear your voice again. 
Sobrang binitin mo ako ng malupit kagabi. Effin serious.

Hindi mo ba maiisip yun? I mean CALLING ME? 
HELLOOOOOOO, CALL ME. GAHGAHGAAAAAAAAAAAAH. :|
CMOOOOOOON. :|:|

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. :|:| Makakatulog na naman ako nito ng sobrang naaasar. :< HMF. 
CMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. 

Hello, there's CALL (and text) UNLIMITED.
Are you defeating my purpose of having SUN? HALOOOOOOO.
Kainis ka. :|



BUT HERE'S THE THING:
If ever this was all a dream, I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS.
It's OKAY. At least I get to have a dream come true even for just a couple of days. Better than never getting any wish come true at all. BE POSITIVE. 
DO NOT STRAIN YOURSELF...BURY YOURSELF! =))

orange you glad?


Okay, so much for a sensitive boy.
December 29th, 2008 | 02:23 PM

Nasanay ako kina Chinese Boooooooooy!

I mean, he's way different from Chinese Boy. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY different. 
Although ito, chickboy. He had a lot of girlfriends na. :| Aaaaand, ewan ko he doesn't even seem to match the things that I like in a boy. Pero ito si gaga, fnflirt pa. Hmmmm. So am I playing the paasa part again, for the first time? Dahil...yeah. :)) I do hope I'm not giving him false hopes if ever, this isn't going to be real for me. I don't know what it is yet. But I'm trying. 

I don't even know yet where to start. I mean honestly. How am I going to tell him about Chinese Boy? Why should I even tell him? WHY DO I HAVE TO? Hindi naman diba? Okay let's say I'd scratch that out? But he'll find that out soon once people start noticing we're hanging out frequently. Ugh. :| Having something with him will definitely drive people nuts, or even fill my head with much insecurities. Damn. I don't want to be looked at. Lalo na..GAH. His ex is studying in the same school! DAMNIT. :| Ayokong makasagasa. But daaaaaaamn. WHY AM I FILLING MY HEAD WITH THOUGHTS LIKE THESE? :(( ANG HIRAP NAMAN. :< 

But I'm weighing them. I knew Chinese Boy long enough before I met B. Yes, I've been stealing glances of him during first sem and I did liked him way back in high school even before I met Chinese Boy. But it's a whole lot different when you're forming something without a solid foundation. GAH. WTH. ANO BA TO. I'm formulating stuff without waiting for him to tell muna. :| Grar. 

HAY NAKO. But I need a gameplan. Not gameplan na, okay lolokohin ko ganun, I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE I'm not gonna get caught on this. You know, ending up getting hurt. I know it's inevitable but chances are I'll be damaging a lot of friendships, including this one. SO GAH. Let me share.

Either I choose Chinese Boy (SOLID) or try to move on and give myself a chance. Try to workout with someone else, like B. If I do choose B, I have to see through a lot of things. 1. I really don't know him, I NEED A LOT OF THINGS TO WORKOUT. 2. People will definitely get intimidated at me. So sure of that. 3. HELLOOOO, isn't it enough that he courted your blockmate last sem until like, uhh, 2 weeks ago? ISN'T SO SOON? Which lead me to this thought, 4. Maybe you're just a REBOUND. If ever I am under that category, then I'd be relieved. I won't get hurt. Maybe a pinch, but as much as possible. I'd pull myself away. And I definitely don't want ruin our friendship. His cousin is my uber close friend back in high schoooool. Don't want to have bad image. :| Kaya ayokooooo. :S

WANT TO ADD MORE FUEL TO THE FIRE? Chinese Boy's transferring to my school next year. HOW'S THAT? Complicated much. Though he doesn't know anything about this, still I'm weighing my chances with him. Sila Ira and Jen kasi ehhh. They really think there's something with me and CB. AND I JUST CAN'T SEE IT. DAMN. And I bet, they're just adding color to it so I'd choose him. BUT DAMN. 

Am I not lost enough? 

This will even get bigger once B tells me his secret. Whatever it is.
Much more when I tell him mine. GAH. 



B, 
If I let you love me be the one adored
Would you go all the way, be the one I'm looking for?
If I let you love me be the one adored 
Would you go all the way, be the one I'm looking for?


C,
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere, or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?

orange you glad?


I'll keep you my dirty little secret. :P
December 31st, 2008 | 12:07 PM

So maybe we can keep this, just hold on tight and never let go cause this will be our best secret.
- Cat Q's YM stat

Yesterday's the best. Love it. <3
I don't know how to explain it, it just happened. :)


Although, I have a lot of uncertainties. Hindi ko pa siya ganun na kilala. I have nothing. The only thing I know...he, uhh, yeah. :| WE NEED A LOT OF BONDING MOMENTS. Like I said, a lot of WORKING OUT to do. :| I'm not yet really sure about my side. I don't want him to get serious now then in the end, he'll be hurt just because I found out I wasn't serious about it. I don't want that to happen. If we're going to be both serious about it, I want to be sure with my feelings. I could've emphasized it more personally that I wasn't sure. 

I didn't even know why I wished for this in the first place. 

No wonder why PCD's When I Grow Up is running through my head. 
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it.

UGH. :| 
I think I'm getting it. And I should do something about it.
Play the soft side or the hard-to-get? GAH. 
So far? No gameplan yet. I'm still going with the flow. Measuring the current. 

Hay nako, will it still be the same when we come back on the 5th? 
Feel ko this is where the real complications will happen. 

GAAAAAAAAAAAH. :|


*Note: I easily get kilig whenever he calls me through my name. Masyadong direct. Makes me feel it's not a dream. GAH. It's a dream okay? I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP ANYMORE. 

orange you glad?


2008, YOU'RE THE BEST! :)
December 31st, 2008 | 01:46 PM

Okay, let me just wrap up 2008. :P GUSTO KO I-FEEL. Ba't baaaa. :P I do this every year, hayaan niyo na ako. :))




JANUARY
- College results. ADMU. UP. UST. :|:| Kthanks.
- Jenny's 18th! -- first formal debut evaaaaah. :) 
- Talentfest, FAIR! :)

FEBRUARY
- Sara's 18th! SURPRIIIIISE! :D
- BM chuva, trip to DIVI! Adventuuuure! :)
- Valentine's MARA C! Hahaha, kala mo nakalimutan ko na yung white choco rose mo and yung heart? :P I SO LOVE IT. Thebest kaaaa. EFFORT! :))
- EXAMS! FINALS. :(( 
- Mia's 18th! I SO DIED. =)) 

MARCH
- Fatima's 18th :) FOFO :)
- BEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE EVEEEEEER! :)
- Birthday = GRAD BALL = <3
- GRADUATION. The dreaded day.
- MONDAY BUDDIES! <3
- Koo's 18th! SURPRISE! :)

APRIL
- Apes' 18th
- MONDAY BUDDIES!
- Cat's Crazy 18th <3 -- LOVELOVE. 
- EK LOOOOOOOOOVE <3
- Eloi's 18th(most SOLEMN surprise ever! :)))
- Yvette's practices
- Yvette's 18th :) DANCE, DANCE BABY! \:D/
- JUDGMENT DAY. :|:| Hardest decision ever. :<
- College enrollment. :|
- Bribery at Secret Recipe >:)

MAY
- Kostka's get-together aka REUNION!
- Cholo's 18th; LGV adventure :))
- the confession letter. :|
- MONDAY BUDDIES!<3
- UMAMIN NA SI LAU!
- Inuman at Cat's --ilabas na yung videooooooo. :)) 
- debut practices for Alcants and Aiko :)
- Swimming at Mara's / PHOTOSHOOOOOOT!
- UMAMIN NA RIN SI NINS! =))

JUNE
- MAKE PEACE NOT WAR!
- First day high COLLEGE
- Mark's 18th
- More debut practices. <3
- Cookie Day with JJ <3
- Che's 18th - embarrassing much. :<:<
- Ateneo/DLSU adventure with Alcants! :))
- UST/Divi adventure :P
- that BLOG entry. :|:|
- Alcants' 18th -- ALCANTS I SO MISS OUR DANCE NA :))))
- Maika's 18th/Trishie's 18th -- UBER WOAH DEBUT ;) 
- YM BUDDEEEEEHH :P

JULY
- Marty's 18th(BUDDYYYY! :(()
- Strawberry Shake <3
- You got me at HELLO <3
- Aiko's 18th--the night i lost my wallet for the very first time. :(( SENTIMENTAL STUFF! :((
- UAAP GAME! Yay!
- FREECUUUUT <3
- It was indeed the darkest night. :)) 
- SHANG BUDDIES! :) Jen, Lau, Nins, Ira <3

AUGUST
- Intramuros adventure with H! :>
- Inuman part 2 at Cat's
- FRUSTRATING! :O
- VENTING OUT SESSIONS 
- UNO! :> \:D/ 
- Ed's 18th. Soberclub. <3
- Bring back MONDAY BUDDIES!
- ONE MORE CHANCE. =))
- Semi-reunion ng FOFO! <3
- Nins' SURPRISE! <3 / Vicky's 18th :) -- Feeling PROM ulit! :)) 
- SAVING TIMES :))

SEPTEMBER
- Nins' 18th celeb
- LAUNIN COUPLE! <3
- Sleepover at Cat's // FUDGE. :(( 
- Grandma effect
- UAAP CHEERING! <3
- UNEXPECTED DAY <3 ADVENTUUUUUURE. :P
- Cheering and volley practices 
- DVD MARATHOOOON!--this really made me happy nung super sad ako. :)) 
- Double date? AMP =))
- Bonding with JJ! <3
- Shopping with sis! <3<3

OCTOBER
- Oct 1st --supposedly video-making day <3
- PINAKAMATINDING CHEM EVAH :))
- GK Community Service (was SO SICK)
- FIRST PAYDAAAAAY <3
- Mara's surprise!
- Mara's 18th, LOVELOVE
- Sleepover at Mara's. UBEEEEEEEEEEE <3
- DVD MARATHOOOON!
- Sportsfest: CHAMPIONS!
- KTV with Tods!
- SEMBREAK! Catching up! 

NOVEMBER
- Cards! <3<3 HUHUHU :((
- Date with Mara <3
- BUMMER! =))
- Quantum CPK <3<3
- Taft Adventure! / Carlaloo bonding <3
- Harley's 20th -- officially, sex gooood :))
- Stalker day? :))

DECEMBER
- New Moon <3
- Planner Hunting! <3
- Cho's 19th -- Men in Black :)) 
- Ianne's 18th -- Surprise guest :)) AMP :)) 
- BEST TWO WEEKS OF MY LIFE
- Exchange gifts, YAY ORANGE PARKER! :) 
- Drews with blockmates <3
- first SECRET :))
- Christmas Partyyy
- Lia's 18th -- Walkathon :)) 
- B <3
- Bonding with Mara <3
- Finally with JJ <3
- Eclipse <3
- SURPRISE! Kaca, Angela, Yvette and Meg! AFTER 10 YEARS! :))


Sorry, colorful much? :))
Anyway, I HAD THE BEST OF 2008! HANDS DOWN :) 

orange you glad?


HAPPY NEW YEAR
January 1st, 2009 | 02:00 AM

First entry of the year. Yeeeeez! :)

Though life's a bit complicated, I still haven't forgot that we should all celebrate the NEW YEAR! :)

Ren: Happy new year! >:D< Sana maging masaya ang 2009 for us. :)
B: Sana. :)
Ren: We can work it out. :)
B: It's so nice hearing that from you. :)

:D

orange you glad?


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