Nasanay ako kina Chinese Boooooooooy!

I mean, he's way different from Chinese Boy. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY different. 
Although ito, chickboy. He had a lot of girlfriends na. :| Aaaaand, ewan ko he doesn't even seem to match the things that I like in a boy. Pero ito si gaga, fnflirt pa. Hmmmm. So am I playing the paasa part again, for the first time? Dahil...yeah. :)) I do hope I'm not giving him false hopes if ever, this isn't going to be real for me. I don't know what it is yet. But I'm trying. 

I don't even know yet where to start. I mean honestly. How am I going to tell him about Chinese Boy? Why should I even tell him? WHY DO I HAVE TO? Hindi naman diba? Okay let's say I'd scratch that out? But he'll find that out soon once people start noticing we're hanging out frequently. Ugh. :| Having something with him will definitely drive people nuts, or even fill my head with much insecurities. Damn. I don't want to be looked at. Lalo na..GAH. His ex is studying in the same school! DAMNIT. :| Ayokong makasagasa. But daaaaaaamn. WHY AM I FILLING MY HEAD WITH THOUGHTS LIKE THESE? :(( ANG HIRAP NAMAN. :< 

But I'm weighing them. I knew Chinese Boy long enough before I met B. Yes, I've been stealing glances of him during first sem and I did liked him way back in high school even before I met Chinese Boy. But it's a whole lot different when you're forming something without a solid foundation. GAH. WTH. ANO BA TO. I'm formulating stuff without waiting for him to tell muna. :| Grar. 

HAY NAKO. But I need a gameplan. Not gameplan na, okay lolokohin ko ganun, I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE I'm not gonna get caught on this. You know, ending up getting hurt. I know it's inevitable but chances are I'll be damaging a lot of friendships, including this one. SO GAH. Let me share.

Either I choose Chinese Boy (SOLID) or try to move on and give myself a chance. Try to workout with someone else, like B. If I do choose B, I have to see through a lot of things. 1. I really don't know him, I NEED A LOT OF THINGS TO WORKOUT. 2. People will definitely get intimidated at me. So sure of that. 3. HELLOOOO, isn't it enough that he courted your blockmate last sem until like, uhh, 2 weeks ago? ISN'T SO SOON? Which lead me to this thought, 4. Maybe you're just a REBOUND. If ever I am under that category, then I'd be relieved. I won't get hurt. Maybe a pinch, but as much as possible. I'd pull myself away. And I definitely don't want ruin our friendship. His cousin is my uber close friend back in high schoooool. Don't want to have bad image. :| Kaya ayokooooo. :S

WANT TO ADD MORE FUEL TO THE FIRE? Chinese Boy's transferring to my school next year. HOW'S THAT? Complicated much. Though he doesn't know anything about this, still I'm weighing my chances with him. Sila Ira and Jen kasi ehhh. They really think there's something with me and CB. AND I JUST CAN'T SEE IT. DAMN. And I bet, they're just adding color to it so I'd choose him. BUT DAMN. 

Am I not lost enough? 

This will even get bigger once B tells me his secret. Whatever it is.
Much more when I tell him mine. GAH. 



B, 
If I let you love me be the one adored
Would you go all the way, be the one I'm looking for?
If I let you love me be the one adored 
Would you go all the way, be the one I'm looking for?

C,
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere, or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?