Jelly day? Hope not.

We're supposed to meet tom for Reg's 19th birthday celebration at Wack Wack. It's a swimming party actually. So anyway, I suddenly thought of how our convesation (JJ and I) will start if ever I go tom. 

"You know what, I love him. He knows that actually. But I have self issues ato settle before anything else. Meaning, before I answer him." Like trust issues, I guess?

I love him, but it's not enough. :/ Should it be enough? 

Am I worth it? Parang nahihiya nga ako eh. It's like I shouldn't be the one for him. 

All this time, I thought we're gonna be blockmates for 6 months. I was SO wrong. :| Shuffle na naman kami after second sem. Damn it. It totally made me sad. SOBRA. :| It's really hard to adjust to a new set of classmates. Lagi may brainstorm, getting-to-know stage. Ang hirap kayaaaa. :| NAMAN.

While I was crying on the phone kanina, I realized something. Bakit ba lagi akong naaasar kapag tinutulugan niya ako? Bakit ba hindi ko na lang siya hayaan? Kasi, I don't want to accept it. Paano kami hindi lagi mag-aaway kung yung umaaway eh ayaw tanggapin yung wala yung inaaway niya? Sometimes, wala talaga tayong magagawa kung kulang talaga siya nun. Either accept it or leave it. Ganun lang naman yun kadali eh.

Sige magpapakarandom na ako. Knwento niya kanina, naka-small talk niya yung CI (clinical instructor) namin sa RLE kanina during the pinning. Tapos napansin daw ni Yogee (CI) na nag-away daw kami nung exams namin for TFN. :| =)) ABA NAMAN. Lahat na lang ng tao, napansin na yung away namin. Cold war lang yun ahhh. :| Nakakatawa talaga yun. :))

Exactly affter three months of waiting...
and after saying no twice...

Yes, this is the day I finally said yes to him. This was also the day I decided to let go of C and finally go for Johann, three months ago.

You maybe wondering how it all happened. I tell you, it's not sweet how we, girls, wanted our fairy tales to happen. To be honest, I really want a fairy tale of my own. Something to brag to my friends. But you know what, who needs that when fairy tales are supposed to be for the impossibles only. The fact that all of this happened is already making the used-to-be impossible, possible. I guess things you don't really imagine to happen, can really happen. I still can't believe someone like him will really love me. Like for more than a year ago, I used to have a distant crush on him. We weren't introduced yet formally, but I knew him already. And now, look what we have. I still can't believe things can really happen. A LOT CAN REALLY HAPPEN. :)

We went through a lot of conflicts. And with that, I still think three months is not yet enough. But wait, when will it be enough? I think he waited enough. There are a lot of ifs going through my mind, but who cares? Think of what's more important. Now is important. Something like this can never happen again. Opportunities are given once, but regrets can last a lifetime. So follow your heart. I guess it's time to give it all. Forget those worries. Worries will always be there. It will never go away. If this will make you happy, you have to go for it. After all, who doesn't want to happy anyway?

How it all happened? We were in Starbucks in Shang this afternoon. He tried getting me into a serious talk.
Johann: Do you trust me?
Me: Yes.
Johann: Is it enough?
Me: I guess.
Johann: I have a question, can I be yours?
Me: Do you really want me to answer now?

I've been thinking about it every single day since you first asked me that question. I always asked myself is it really enough? Am I now ready? I really don't know the answer. But now, I'm still not sure but I'm giving it a shot. The fact that I love him. I think that's more than enough.

And so we were inside his car, on our way home.
Me: Yes.

I'm really happy to have someone like him in my life. This is the day that I'm going to love again. No ifs. LOVE. :)

I love you, Johann. :"> <3
Thank you for having me in your life. :)

We'll make everything work, okay? :)