I started my entry saving it first. I can't think of a file name for this when I thought of the date and realized it's August 30 today. It's 30, again. Usually it wouldn't mean anything. Well, not today? Naaah. It's just an ordinary day, I guess. 

Just yesterday, I had the longest sleep (like for more than 12 hours) after 2 days of being deprived from it. The longest sleep comes with the worst dream of all. For the past weeks or month, I tend not to write down my dreams because usually he would be on it and I don't think it's worth remembering. But yesterday's dream was diiferent. It felt like he has a new girl. For me it really felt bad. 

As I woke up yesterday and realized he was part of my dream again, I wondered where the hell did the thought of him came from? I mean, I wasn't thinking about him before I went to sleep that night. But then I remembered being in the same class with him that day during my group's case presentation. I can vividly recall when he commented on our group's NCP specifically on the goal part. Thank God that time Sir Perez was talking to us so I didn't have to look back. I really don't know actually why I didn't look back. Not that I don't wanna see his face. And I don't think it's even awkward looking at him. I guess it's easier for me to just listen to his voice without looking at him. Ugh, whatever. 


"I can't explain this feeling. I think about it everyday. And even though we've moved on, it gets so hard to walk away."


This is yet the hardest battle of all. I really don't know if I have moved on already. Is this just the I-miss-him-but-I-don't-love-you-anymore phase or is this the I-still-love-you phase/stucked feeling? Gaaaah. I'm so lost. Bakit kasi nawala si C eh. :| Things were getting smooth, but then why'd you have to kill it? :| Anywaaaaay. A lot of things are going through my mind right now. Can't seem to think one at a time. So confused. 


"Do you still think of me like I think about you? Do you still dream of me 'cause I can't sleep without you. Tell me the times you've made a change but why do I feel this way? I know I gotta move on but I'm so addicted to you."

I don't know what to think anymore. :| This is making me hard to breathe. You're making me hard to breathe. My brain is filled with thoughts of you that oxygen can't enter to nourish it with reality. 

Must stick to reality and must move on...but can't find a motive to FINALLY take that BIG IRREVERSIBLE STEP. I always keep on holding back. This time, I must go on and never look back. It's been forever (in reality, a year and a month) since it happened and I MUUUUST. Ohged. 



Okay Caren, breathe. Kaya mo yan.

That's life. Minsan I'm just overreacting to things na di naman dapat pinapansin. Pero sadyang lahat talaga pinapansin ko, sorry na lang.