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Ren
Registered Nurse. Soon-to-be MD in the making (hopefully). Orange lover, still. Loves Math. Procrastinator/Crammer. Sluggish. Obsessive Compulsive. Emo-tional. Sensitive. "Overlapping." Weakling. Motivated. Contradicting. Loser. Nerd. Soon-to-be Geek.

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Got me depressin' today
May 29th, 2018 | 07:06 PM

Sunday morning, got the urge to watch Netflix again. I re-subscribed and started watching this specific Chinovela (Chinese telenovela)-- A Love So Beautiful. I've seen it in the commercial of our local television a few times but didn't seem to be interested to watch it though. So when I started this two days ago, it was a very impulsive act and I got hooked instantly!! And since I started watching, I knew there was a similar series to this plot. It took me a day to realize the title of the other series. I knew it was a Taiwanese and searched for it a lot of times until finally--It Started With A Kiss! 

Anyway, I was really hooked to this (all the free time I can get was spent watching!). It came to a point I was watching on duty--I know I'm so bad. But I was able to finish 24 episodes (with 41mins each) in 2 1/2 days!!!! I was so hooked I was up all night, last night watching!!! Couldn't believe it was only now (again) that I got hooked to a series!!! I was seriously crying and sobbing at 1 AM!! 

I finished this morning upon arriving for duty. It was so bitiiiin! I wish there was more but it was good enough. My super babaw self for romcom was really moved. Jiang Chen was really similar to someone I used to like years ago--the path he's going to take (career), resembling his semi-reserved attitude. It was somehow, the same. 

After watching, I don't know how I should really feel. I've been single for the longest time and I don't know how to converse and meeting up with other people. I feel so depressed after. Gaaaaaah. 

***

I knew this prompted another blog entry. Although this was a nonsense one. I'd like to put it here. To remind me that I remembered this guy again. Naaaat. 

orange you glad?


I'm baaaack!
March 24th, 2018 | 06:30 PM

Of course, I will always come back to where I first started--my almost-thirteen-year-old blog! This is where I always tend pour my heart out whenever I can't open them to anyone else. Today, I am seriously feeling annoyed, disappointed, and where one of those moments where past-quarter crisis hits you rock bottom. I am seriously been teary-eyed how (I know) I've made so many irrational decisions over the past years and been choosing to stay where I am right now when I know I can do sooo sooo much better. I know where I should be heading to but obviously there's one huge reason that's hindering me to reach that goal--and that is opting to stay. 

This everyday decision of "staying" has been bothering me already for sometime (actually for years already) because I have been yearning for growth, new experiences, bigger environment and fresh faces. But still all ends up choosing not to rock the boat and stay complacent to where I am right now. So now I'm ending up punishing myself for still staying in the same road. 

Everything went worse when I was on my way home this afternoon. My Uber driver was sharing her daughter's life. The typical lucky person who was able to get into being a PAL stewardest (which I wasn't able to reach), get into one of the best hospitals (SLMC), pass the NCLEX, and getting hired in a renowned hospital in the US (after passing NCLEX). I mean how can life get any more rude at the moment? And his daughter's only 22 years old now. How her life's full of blessings, good for her. As for me, I've been struggling to keep myself mummed the entire time as I already want to end the conversation cause I don't wanna hear everything anymore. I wasn't seriously interested anymore. It's like merely shoving off to my face how her directions going well and when I'm not. God knows how much I know that already. Damn. 

.....

Right now I'm seriously hungry... I just saw there's a new ramen place near our house. I think I might try them today. :) #NeedingAllTheGVOutThere



Just like the usual, it will all remain as a rant. :/

orange you glad?


Random Self Rants
November 22nd, 2017 | 10:00 PM

I know this has been in my chest for sometime. I may not say it out loud but this is how I really feel. I know my heart isn’t here anymore. I have a LOT of reasons to leave but physically I am still striving my everyday to stay. He is one of the major reasons I’m staying and yet I don’t feel being reciprocated enough. Or maybe I am just asking too much in return of me staying. I am too selfish but I know I am feeling being dragged for something that I know will not be too much beneficial for me in the future. I know I can do these things but this is not how I wanted to live my life in the future. I am having a hang of it. I shouldn’t be here anymore. I know I shouldn’t and yet I’m still here. WHY? WHY?

A lot of things are happening: I’m not being able to go home anymore thus barely seeing my sister only once a week when I go home and need to wash my clothes. I feel awful everytime I leave home because I realized we are getting closer more than ever (again). And how am I going to sustain that if I go home less than what should be. I hate things are now. I love the improvement it brings in our hospital but am I really wanting this? Do I really want this? Is this what I ask my life would be?

There are a lot of questions. A lot of thoughts circling my mind but no concrete answers. I just always live my day-to-day life with quite no direction anymore. I am actually leaning towards no goal. No solid goal anymore. I guess I know my goal but I don’t know how to get to those goals.

(calmed myself after typing this)

 

After moments of browsing and shiz….

 

I dwelled on my UK application…Still pending though. I hate my agency. Either their representative is seriously inefficient or their load is quite heavy. I seriously don’t get it. If they were only more helpful with the process then we would’ve been benefiting both from this communication we’re trying to hold on….


Anyway to end this, I will watch The Intern again. #feelgoodmovie #superfeelgood #ineedtofeelbetter #repeattoself

orange you glad?


Quick update
July 30th, 2017 | 09:59 AM

Again, it's been months since I last update this "ancient" blog of mine. It's been 12 years!!! I could not believe that I have been treasuring a lot of memories and evolved my writing skills over time. It's such a shame if I still write the same, though! 

A lot of things have happened recently. But the major life-changing ones are:

1. I informally passed my comprehensive exam for graduate school. So thesis-it! Still no solid topic for my thesis paper yet.

2. I also got an offer in the UK!! I passed the interview and will be taking 2 more tests soon to finally head to the land of the royal family!! Whuuut. 

I am really excited for the things to happen. I really hope to see results soooooon!! I have so many aspirations!! I can't waaaaait! 

orange you glad?


Long Waiting Time
March 24th, 2017 | 06:09 PM

ATM: CBTL Capitol Commons waiting for our scheduled dinner reunion tonight

I've been thinking if I should go home and rest first before I go to our dinner tonight but then didn't want to go through the hassle traffic so I decided to wait instead here in Commons instead of going through hell of Friday traffic later (or now). 

Again, it's been a long long time since my last post. I applied to a corporate company recently and sad to say, had to reject their job offer. I'm really excited with the environment given the job description and all but seems like their compensation did not commensurate the responsibilities enough. It's actually a risky one and yet they compensate with a life insurance--not even an HMO. No wonder the position has been on Jobstreet for a few months now and yet they haven't found the right person for the position. Or should I say, no one has yet to accept the low salary they offer. Was fairly disappointed with their offer given it was an international company which supposedly has quite a generous budget for positions they need. Oh well. Been trying to look for a similar job but up to now, nothing has matched yet. I hope I could find something similar but pays well. *Wishing that to come soon enough*

Been having consistent weight problems (and gaining more pounds than ever) at my heaviest ever right now. I've been finding the motivation to push through my #backto2014mechallenge. I tried last Nov and enrolled myself in a 1-month gym membership. I went for two days and I got...bored already. I've been looking for an adult zumba or hiphop class to keep me interested. Seriosuly, I need this. I can't find the time to run in the evenings since it's risky in Marikina. I'm thinking of biking but need to find the time and must bring a lot of clothes to change after biking. But I like the idea. I might want to bike actually. Hmmmm...

Ugh, I need to find a way to get over this! 

Surprisingly, this week I got frustrated and found myself buying a book to read! After lalalala months of not reading a book! I realized how important really it is to consistently still read a book every now and then! Yes I know I suck at this the most. So glad I finished the book in less than 24 hours and found myself wanting to read another one! Now, I just bought a new book again, not teeny book anymore. But still a romance book, as always. Need to catch up on my reading skills though, I need this!!! 

Hope I'll be better than this in time! 

Aja! 

orange you glad?


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