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Ren
Registered Nurse. Soon-to-be MD in the making (hopefully). Orange lover, still. Loves Math. Procrastinator/Crammer. Sluggish. Obsessive Compulsive. Emo-tional. Sensitive. "Overlapping." Weakling. Motivated. Contradicting. Loser. Nerd. Soon-to-be Geek.

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Life update
May 7th, 2019 | 05:48 PM

It's been a year since the last entry I posted. As usual, a lot of things happen. 

As of the moment, I'm unemployed. My first unemployment phase since I started working almost 7 years ago! Wow, 7 years is too long and too many things happened already. A couple of months before I resigned, a workmate of mine decided to resign a week after submitting her resignation letter. I felt so bad because I've been having a hunch she'll be doing it at a short notice but then still it happened and I did nothing about the hunch. So we ended up working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week for a month. Then we had a new staff (but not RN), so we had to be careful with everything and at the same time get the day offs we wanted, somehow. But then after almost 2 months, just when everything was about to get better, the new trainee decided to resign on the spot. Take note, I submitted my resignation letter February 28, 2019 taking into consideration the 30 days rendering prior to actual resignation. Supposedly it should be effective April 1, 2019 but since I wasn't able to inform my co-workmates properly, decided to do it after April 23, 2019. So here I am a bummer for almost 2 weeks now. 

Honestly, I don't have any solid plan except for taking the IELTS by next month. Hopefully I could get this right this time but then I feel so demotivated more than ever. How long will I be staying this way? I have no fucking idea but I hope things could go as how any aspiring UKRNs are expecting-- 4-6 months perhaps? Praying so bad.

Car and I have been legit fixing our house disposing everything for good. And I'm so proud of her for being able to sold a lot of things in Carousel. I cannot sell stuff like how she does it. Idk but she's really good. Regarding disposing our other stuff, she was able to dispatch a lot of things we should've let go years ago. But it was a good exercise though to evaluate which should be taken along with you and which shouldn't. Konmari style, it is.

We should be having a garage sale anytime soon. But I find it hard to price everything and stuff. I'm seriously lazy to get this done and over with. Today, I seriously woke up and feeling agit. Idfk why. I felt like the gloominess of the sky. Ugh, I have so many feelings about today but they're all making me feel down. Legit!! 

I do hope by the time I update this again, there will be major change in my life. Keeping my fingers crossed and will be needing lots of motivation. Big time. 

orange you glad?


Got me depressin' today
May 29th, 2018 | 07:06 PM

Sunday morning, got the urge to watch Netflix again. I re-subscribed and started watching this specific Chinovela (Chinese telenovela)-- A Love So Beautiful. I've seen it in the commercial of our local television a few times but didn't seem to be interested to watch it though. So when I started this two days ago, it was a very impulsive act and I got hooked instantly!! And since I started watching, I knew there was a similar series to this plot. It took me a day to realize the title of the other series. I knew it was a Taiwanese and searched for it a lot of times until finally--It Started With A Kiss! 

Anyway, I was really hooked to this (all the free time I can get was spent watching!). It came to a point I was watching on duty--I know I'm so bad. But I was able to finish 24 episodes (with 41mins each) in 2 1/2 days!!!! I was so hooked I was up all night, last night watching!!! Couldn't believe it was only now (again) that I got hooked to a series!!! I was seriously crying and sobbing at 1 AM!! 

I finished this morning upon arriving for duty. It was so bitiiiin! I wish there was more but it was good enough. My super babaw self for romcom was really moved. Jiang Chen was really similar to someone I used to like years ago--the path he's going to take (career), resembling his semi-reserved attitude. It was somehow, the same. 

After watching, I don't know how I should really feel. I've been single for the longest time and I don't know how to converse and meeting up with other people. I feel so depressed after. Gaaaaaah. 

***

I knew this prompted another blog entry. Although this was a nonsense one. I'd like to put it here. To remind me that I remembered this guy again. Naaaat. 

orange you glad?


I'm baaaack!
March 24th, 2018 | 06:30 PM

Of course, I will always come back to where I first started--my almost-thirteen-year-old blog! This is where I always tend pour my heart out whenever I can't open them to anyone else. Today, I am seriously feeling annoyed, disappointed, and where one of those moments where past-quarter crisis hits you rock bottom. I am seriously been teary-eyed how (I know) I've made so many irrational decisions over the past years and been choosing to stay where I am right now when I know I can do sooo sooo much better. I know where I should be heading to but obviously there's one huge reason that's hindering me to reach that goal--and that is opting to stay. 

This everyday decision of "staying" has been bothering me already for sometime (actually for years already) because I have been yearning for growth, new experiences, bigger environment and fresh faces. But still all ends up choosing not to rock the boat and stay complacent to where I am right now. So now I'm ending up punishing myself for still staying in the same road. 

Everything went worse when I was on my way home this afternoon. My Uber driver was sharing her daughter's life. The typical lucky person who was able to get into being a PAL stewardest (which I wasn't able to reach), get into one of the best hospitals (SLMC), pass the NCLEX, and getting hired in a renowned hospital in the US (after passing NCLEX). I mean how can life get any more rude at the moment? And his daughter's only 22 years old now. How her life's full of blessings, good for her. As for me, I've been struggling to keep myself mummed the entire time as I already want to end the conversation cause I don't wanna hear everything anymore. I wasn't seriously interested anymore. It's like merely shoving off to my face how her directions going well and when I'm not. God knows how much I know that already. Damn. 

.....

Right now I'm seriously hungry... I just saw there's a new ramen place near our house. I think I might try them today. :) #NeedingAllTheGVOutThere



Just like the usual, it will all remain as a rant. :/

orange you glad?


Random Self Rants
November 22nd, 2017 | 10:00 PM

I know this has been in my chest for sometime. I may not say it out loud but this is how I really feel. I know my heart isn’t here anymore. I have a LOT of reasons to leave but physically I am still striving my everyday to stay. He is one of the major reasons I’m staying and yet I don’t feel being reciprocated enough. Or maybe I am just asking too much in return of me staying. I am too selfish but I know I am feeling being dragged for something that I know will not be too much beneficial for me in the future. I know I can do these things but this is not how I wanted to live my life in the future. I am having a hang of it. I shouldn’t be here anymore. I know I shouldn’t and yet I’m still here. WHY? WHY?

A lot of things are happening: I’m not being able to go home anymore thus barely seeing my sister only once a week when I go home and need to wash my clothes. I feel awful everytime I leave home because I realized we are getting closer more than ever (again). And how am I going to sustain that if I go home less than what should be. I hate things are now. I love the improvement it brings in our hospital but am I really wanting this? Do I really want this? Is this what I ask my life would be?

There are a lot of questions. A lot of thoughts circling my mind but no concrete answers. I just always live my day-to-day life with quite no direction anymore. I am actually leaning towards no goal. No solid goal anymore. I guess I know my goal but I don’t know how to get to those goals.

(calmed myself after typing this)

 

After moments of browsing and shiz….

 

I dwelled on my UK application…Still pending though. I hate my agency. Either their representative is seriously inefficient or their load is quite heavy. I seriously don’t get it. If they were only more helpful with the process then we would’ve been benefiting both from this communication we’re trying to hold on….


Anyway to end this, I will watch The Intern again. #feelgoodmovie #superfeelgood #ineedtofeelbetter #repeattoself

orange you glad?


Quick update
July 30th, 2017 | 09:59 AM

Again, it's been months since I last update this "ancient" blog of mine. It's been 12 years!!! I could not believe that I have been treasuring a lot of memories and evolved my writing skills over time. It's such a shame if I still write the same, though! 

A lot of things have happened recently. But the major life-changing ones are:

1. I informally passed my comprehensive exam for graduate school. So thesis-it! Still no solid topic for my thesis paper yet.

2. I also got an offer in the UK!! I passed the interview and will be taking 2 more tests soon to finally head to the land of the royal family!! Whuuut. 

I am really excited for the things to happen. I really hope to see results soooooon!! I have so many aspirations!! I can't waaaaait! 

orange you glad?


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